St. Paul’s Church, Chippenham

Writing, on a wet day, to reflect on my recently completed Extended Study Leave (3 month sabbatical time taken during March-May 2007) my memory bank is full of thoughts and images – but almost entirely surrounded by sunshine. It seemed as if every day was sunny (surely not a comment on being away from work?) As if to prove the point, during the 10 days I spent on the island of Iona my only memory of damp gloomy mist was as I boarded the ferry to leave and start the long journey home. (Aside – the journey took much longer than expected as our train, 5 minutes out of Oban, ran into a man who chose to stand on the track as it came towards him. We spent 3 hours cooped up in the train and, after such a delay, I could only be put on the overnight sleeper back to London. We had spent a week on Iona making the final journey with Jesus through the cross and, while we were marking Good Friday in the beautiful setting of a magical island, that man (and others) were continuing to lead their Good Friday lives.)

And over the 13 days on which I walked parts of the Thames path I only needed to wear waterproofs between Datchet and Weybridge (some 11 miles out of the 180 covered). The rest of the time was bathed in either beautiful and hot sunshine or merely very pleasant weather. A great way to go and appreciate the scenery and, well everything ……and I think that is one of the real blessings from my ESL. Time to be and appreciate and time to pause and reflect and take stock of what was, and still is, important to me. What are the things that motivate who I am? What does it mean to be the person God has created in his image (rather than the person other people expect or want me to be)? Parishioners and colleagues and people we work with and family and friends can all be a real blessing but also have their own expectations and agenda of the sort of person I am and how I should be and relate to them.

So, maybe, my ESL should also be called Finding Simon as I had the space and opportunity to spend time pursuing things that are ME! Some 2 years ago I started planning for this time and came up with the theme of Radical Discipleship. It reminds me of my own motivation for following Jesus – a desire to see the Kingdom of God break into the mess, chaos and unfairness of this world (God’s people being used as agents of change and leading lives given to changing things for the better for other people). Yet, in our society, life can become simply a process of acquiring and consuming (it is hard not to in our economic system driven by consuming and borrowing). Did Jesus really tread this earth that I might buy more and fill my house with more things? So many of them that I never even get the time to use properly anyway!

I had the incredible privilege of spending 2 separate weeks attached to the Religious Affairs Departments at Yarls Wood and Oakington Immigration Detention Centres. An opportunity to observe, at first hand, the plight of those who have been taken into custody and are due to be sent back to their ‘homeland’. It is a wonderful mix of the best of human life and some of the most vulnerable and insecure people in our world. If anything has proved to me that life can work in random and unexpected ways, it is the experiences of asylum seekers and refugees that point this out. Seemingly incomprehensible decisions and judgments can be handed down to those who have fled terror and repression – only to find less than a warm welcome in the UK! Chaplains (of all religious groups) worked caringly and with respect trying to bring a sense of decency and proportion to all that detainees were going through. But the whole thing seemed so random – who Immigration had picked up (ie why these folk and not others) – how long they were in the process for – whether they really had a home country to return to – and the bureaucratic delay (from our own and other countries) all lend to a sense of life in suspension. Young people are spending months (at our expense!) sitting around awaiting decisions about their future. There must be a better way!

(And, of course, we are told that many are simply economic migrants but, given the disgraceful disparity amongst the wealthy and poor nations, it is hardly surprising and surely this will become even more of an issue. Poor people don’t want to remain poor and don’t see why they shouldn’t have a slice of the economic action. I tend to think I might feel the same way if I was in their shoes. Wouldn’t you? Or would you just sit around in your home country and reflect on how glad you were that the rich nations of the world should have it so good – when your situation was probably getting worse?)

I took time to visit France and chose to really try and improve my French speaking. The time was well spent but I know that the only way to use language is to be with those who speak the language (preferably in their own country). On my return I did have the opportunity to speak with francophone Africans at a refugee project I visited in Swindon. You’d be amazed at what there is out there – or rather who is there. And I became conscious of the fact that those seeking to come into this country are mostly unknown, faceless and anonymous people. People who simply do not exist to us.

So, the thought, is ….who am I? Well, I am a beloved child of God and part of God’s Christian family here on earth and I thank God for my brothers and sisters in Christ with whom I share life’s journey. It is good to share the journey and to know that others are accompanying us on the way. Having said that …I loved the parts of the Thames Path when I was on my own and could walk and reflect and appreciate the countryside, the birdlife, the trees and bridges (if you ask me, they were the best bit of the walk), the beauty and a walk that follows the river course so closely. Even into London and the busyness at the heart of the city going up to the Barrier.

And, for me, ESL also was a great time to remind myself of the joy of rail travel, reading The Guardian (good for articles on refugees etc) and feeling that I am someone who has more to offer than the restrictions that sometimes hem me in. There is more of me that I am able to express! I don’t want to get boxed in! But I can’t (and don’t want to) forget who I am and what has formed me. Walking the Thames Path (and staying with friends and relatives) gave me a chance to catch up with memories and associations that have been important during my lifetime. I also valued the political involvement and openness to other church traditions (ESL was a good time to see how others worship) and to read and turn round and then …… Kurt Vonnegut died part way through my ESL. I was thrown back to my days at university in the middle of London (when I fist read him) and to all the hopes and expectations for someone in their early twenties. The question is, how much have they found fulfilment in my life and who I am? Or how much has it been even better? Well, I certainly thank God for ……Ann, Samuel & Philippa and that God has a purpose and hand on my life – for the journey he has led me on – and the fact that I can use the life I’ve been given to try and contribute and help others along the journey. (At this point I also want to thank all those who have made it possible for me to take this ESL – people from the churches in Chippenham and the diocese. It is much appreciated!)

In his first book, Player Piano, Vonnegut wrote of a world divided economically into those who had so much and those whose lives were mundane and dreary (without hope and expectation of them ever changing). One would be tempted to think that it is a bit far-fetched. Or is it? But then he’d lived through one of the most devastating bombing raids in human history and Slaughterhouse 5 records a brutal world of the simmering horror of war. A great mind and a fascinating writer, sadly Vonnegut died without faith in Christ. To my mind he missed out on Jesus’ offer of ‘life in all its fullness’. A life lived without really knowing what it is given for. My ESL gave me opportunity to have contact with the wider world outside the church and parish life. I travelled with people and encountered those well outside the confines of the Christian faith. A good challenge to me and a reminder of how little we (let’s simply say the CofE) really relate today to those who don’t know anything about Jesus.

To finish this reflection …..happy memories of swimming in the outdoor pool at the Arocha project in S France; watching European Rollers, Cuckoos, Purple Herons and other wonderful birds; taking many pictures with my new digital camera and loading them onto my new laptop (oh, the man is no longer a complete luddite!); bus, train and plane rides; the kindness of so many hosts and the hospitality I received. And, above all, not have to work to other people’s agendas and having time to BE. I am sure that is when I best find who I am – when I simply take time (from the doing) and take the opportunity to BE. Who am I? I am a human BEING made in the image of God. Wow! What more could one want? What more could I need?

Simon Tyndall